Judgement

There's really no other way to explain what it is. Essentially, we're either the one being judged, or we may be the one who does the judging. Honestly, my take on it is, it's a hard habit to break out of.

We've all been, in one way or another, exposed to the likes of those who enjoy invoking people to fit their standards. I am an awkward pickle, sometimes I am slow to learn that there are people who don't quite like me. People believe in believing in one another, just as long as you do it the way they tell you to do so. Yes, you be yourself, but no, not like that. Time and time again, we fall into a trap of being told what to do.

For a while, I've been comfortable being a bubbly personality, just being fun and optimistic. Slowly, I felt an aura changing in my environment and it felt like I have to lay low. I had no tolerance for gossiping, so I just simply found swift ways to change the topic before my opinions of a matter turn sour. Well, being above and beyond certain situations can only mean, you're just a righteous person, and no one wants someone who can't be agreeable to the norms of "de-stressing". 

If you're around people like that, eventually you'll catch these bad habits. It's not in the constructive sense either. It's from one moment, being proud of someone. Until, behind their back, you believe they wouldn't last at all. At the bottom of this, there will be a toxic routine, that you'll feel the need to satiate that hunger for more negativity.

And it's exhausting.

I happen to have a good friend who can see things the way I do. I'm lucky to have her. We catch each other when we notice that we're slipping. We find ways to laugh it off and remind each other, we have to be self-aware. We focus on what we have to do. We make sure our work ethics don't suffer despite the mess. Somehow, we tend to be too optimistic, we tend to have too-good-to-be-true-ideals.

It takes a great deal not to lose yourself, and tough out the anxiety and stresses that kind of environment can give you.

It's a great deal more to take a step away and free yourself from that kind of place. Even if it makes you a lot less popular.  

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