When Her Thoughts Are Sad

It was pretty tough, these things going through her head. She felt like she couldn't escape but I try to understand her. She looks fine to me, I ask her often what's on her mind, but she shrugs them off and gives me a smile. I wish I could hug her, tell her that everything is okay, but that's kind of a cheap thing to do, but that's the best way I could handle it.

Sometimes, I don't understand why she says all these hurtful words. She attacks me without reason, or too many that she's kept for a while. I stay strong, I want to understand, I want to be there for her to make her stronger. I believe in her, I can see her potential. I work my hardest to make sure she feels appreciated. I want to make my time with her worthwhile. There are a lot of "I's" but I can't help the feeling that there is something to do to make it all better.

~ ~ ~

There is wonder, then frustration. She has so much potential and she doesn't know what to do with it. This runs through her mind, and it drives her a little insane, so she sighs wanting to be ready to take on a challenge, but she waits around for it to be pushed to her before it rolls. In her head it's as if she needs the constant affirmation, but she doesn't want to seem so selfish for wanting anything. She probably has gotten used to all the belittling the world has done on her. She's always reminded that her past doesn't define her, she knows she has the power to take hold of her life. Her words doesn't give her as much power to pursue. The drive coming from the satisfaction of others about her decisions. Such a sob story, she thinks.

Her dependence on the opinions, suggestions, inputs of other people has become her norm. It's odd that people say she should decide for herself when, that alone is already a contradiction in itself. Some peoples voices linger longer than others. It seems only reasonable to take in the good vibes, and dispel those negative thoughts. That way of thinking fuels only moments where it's easy to distract herself, but it doesn't get to the root of the problem.

Was there a problem to begin with?

She sits up, taking a deep breath to look at the time. Overthinking has done it again! Nega - 1 Me- 0. Time goes by slowly when you're in the pit of agony. Of what exactly? She knew it was getting bad, this anxiety was trying to ease its way back in to her routine. Taking a few scrolls of her news feed, it makes her flop back to lay down on the bed again. How do I get out of this cycle? Everyone seems to have something to say about it. Worry gets through, and she feels that sinking feeling in her chest. She kicks the blankets off and walks to the bathroom to relieve her bladder. That seems to do the trick.

She looks back at the bed, and thinks better of it and heads to the closet to grab a towel and some clothes for the day. "I can't keep stalling, life won't slow down for me." Grabbing her phone by the bedside table, she skips as she heads to the speakers. It was always a drill to snap out of her head, but it's gone by a little quicker this morning. "Discover Weekly it is!" she proclaims to herself. As she reaches for the sink to wet her toothbrush, the phone pings. She peeks at the lit up screen that notifies her of a summary of the message, "Good morning :*" 

A small twist on the corner of her lips make her huff. If today doesn't go perfect, at least she knows, she wouldn't be facing any of her worries alone anymore.

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