Looking Back... Going Forward

I am really really confused with what I want to do with my life. You know that existential crisis by now, we have all gone through it. We see it today as, we got to live our lives and be out there in the world. Whatever definition that would be for you. Most Millenials, I'll use that word loosely, have taken the travel to get to know yourself better. And honestly? I went through that too, always looking forward to the next place to be while I'm still someplace I've never been before. I was constantly jumping from one travel destination to the next. I knew that travel is a fun experience, but it wasn't completely what I needed for me.

I loved to travel, because I got out of my own world. I was always someplace else, and it sabotaged what would be the biggest factor that mattered. It was fulfillment. I was out to get off my mind, I always opened up to new experiences, to new people's lives, but never really had the motivation to know what I had to offer to the world. I felt empty, I was just a sponge waiting to absorb the unsubstantial things that would make me just that, a sponge.

Polishing, letting everything come and go as they please, I felt like I didn't let anything stick. I was unmotivated to pursue something that could provide value. I was evading it, and it would catch up even faster, the yearning to do something instead of just waiting on it to come.

It frustrated me for the longest time. I would listen to Gary Vaynerchuk's advice on pursuing what you want. It's all about the hustle, why hesitate? Don't let fear drive you into staying put. I would read inspirational and motivational quotes, and books that tell me that I have the power to change my situation. And, it's really that simple. Yet, why am I taking forever to get started?

It's because I haven't the clue where the hell I want to go. I don't even have a vague idea of what I want to do. 

I would say that I loved to write. It's just that I am not very confident with my writing. Sometimes, I even think I get too personal with my writing, and sometimes it could be a bonus, most of the time it appears like ranting. We all have that need, to want to change the world. Dinadamay ko na kayo oo. Isn't it amazing to feel like you've scratched the surface? Make a change in this world with so many things going on.

We tend to focus on all the little things. We have extended family, we cherish them, we take care of them. What would happen to them without us? It could be enough to go on for the rest of our days, but we always look for more. We want to have good relationships, we want to be around family, we want to start a business, we want to be popular for something good. Don't we all want to be acknowledged and to feel important so we could help those who need us?

I sometimes brush off the feeling that I need to prove something but it always crawls back in. I want to prove something, I want to prove it to myself, I want to be of use to this world to contribute beauty, service, and love.

Somehow, passions shouldn't be the sole motivator. We need the extra drive, we need to be disciplined to seek out and deliver. There aren't much rules, but when there are isn't it funny that it contradicts what we need to hear?

Honestly, pursuing anything will always have its rough patches that will always put a cringing feeling on our backs. It's easier to fail and be quiet about it. It's definitely easier to go the easier route without judgement and criticisms.

I have a passion for Photography, but it doesn't always play out because I was afraid to try and reach out to other photographers. I can't always get that perfect shot, and I don't always have consistency in the photos that I take. But I keep trying, I keep pushing. I use my phone, my cameras, but rarely put it out there. It's not even about the fear so much, but about the point of it.

There are so much people who are better than me. There are so much more opportunities for other people. Isn't that how most of our thoughts go? Not everyone gets successful at doing what they love to do? 

But what if, you tried? That's all that's in your mind, to at least keep going and try at it. To start somewhere and then make tweaks to what you think works better next time. To know, that there is a process, to move with that motion and get better and better.

To smile a little wider, to stand a little straighter, to say yes to what you think is right for you.

So, don't be ashamed of that selfie, do what you want to do when your intention is to share, it won't do any harm.

So, like using this for my skin to clear itself up without burning your wallet, find those little tidbits that could make things better. This means, pursuing Photography, and blogging about my progress. Because why not?

On a side note, this wasn't some miracle moisturizer. It took me a couple of weeks to get this moving. I wasn't using this twice a day, because it dries out my skin, I just alternate this with Day or Night use. I used Cetaphil for a facial wash so it's more gentle with my oily skin. After this moisturizer I apply sunblock to kind of moisturize my face again.

Updates on my hair? It's pink. It didn't last long, but the Purple Shampoo by Bedhead kept it vibrant while it could. You could get that in any salon, like Azta that specializes in coloring hair.

I took this with my Samsung S7 and edited it with Lightroom. Lighting was the key for this because most of the time in this situation the smartphones come out grainy. 

This was a random weekend goofing around, taken with my Sony A5100. It was tough editing this without losing much detail and the grain was manageable with the soft contrast look.

I admit, he has longer hair than me. That's something we've already established. But looking at my photos when I had long hair, I think I'll definitely grow my hair now, all natural with no more color soon.

We spend our afternoons brainstorming for his YT Channel, follow him he makes skits and some random sabaw vlogs. He is Mr. Daily Dose of Normal. Check him out, I'm on some of the videos too ;)

Also, we tend to keep each other on each other's toes by saying unexpected punchlines. Most of which just revolves around floating one's own boat. Confidence runs high in this relationship.

And we've been totally obsessed with Milktea. We try a lot every time we have the chance, I just go for the usual with pearls while he likes his tasting like coffee sometimes. I will tell you a little secret, I don't know why I drink coffee, I'm not much a fan of coffee hehe. I just like the cream most of the time, so don't hate on me now.

Well, this article took an unexpected turn. But I somehow feel when you read this, it's like I'm opening up to a friend and it's relaxing to know that we'll figure it all out somehow. It's time for an exercise, it's time to write the things that matter to you. Write it all in a notebook and put it all without hesitating. Just write, eventually you'll know the things that matter will surface and it changes over time. Let me know how it goes, I'd like to hear from you too. Now, I got to update mine soon! Talk to you soon! :)

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